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Voices

I try to stay alive
Because I want to see what I can be
I can be his glory
But he won’t let me
I can be free
I can let him see me
God, do you hear me?
I just want to be happy
Can you do that for me

Title

Title

Back to basics
Why do I keep making the same mistakes
What’s wrong with me
Why cant it juts work out for me
If I cry it will just show weakness
If I smile it will be fake
All these emotions running through me
I don’t know how to react
My mood changes daily
I think I need space
Space between you and me
I don’t see anything beautiful about me
My heart is not in it
It’s left the building
Why can’t I control this feeling
This pain that I’m breathing in

I needed you

I needed you

where did you go
do you know the time
it’s late
you forgot all about me
and now you are here
it’s clear to me on what you want
but its something that I cant give
you have had too much of me
now I’ve closed the door
I don’t need you no more
you left me when I needed you
now you are here
acting like you are here to rescue me
but I saved myself
I needed you
but you wanted to play games
so I left you alone
I’m sorry but you can’t stay

Hope

Hope

You will be happy
You will find peace
You will be okay
You are not done
You got this
You are strong
You will stay blessed
You never feel let down
You are beautiful
You got the gift
You work through this
You are never alone
You are not your past mistakes
You have what makes the world great
You are loved
You are sunshine
You are the hope that we have been looking for

Help me believe

Help me believe

This pain
It’s killing me
It’s just there
It won’t leave
Lord, please remove it
Do what you do best
I want to rest
I have failed this test
I don’t want to repeat this story
Help me see
Help me believe
Allow me
Not use to believing
Believing in me
I guess it shows
Lord my hands are in yours
Lost without any plan
Shoot me a lifeline
Practice what you preach
Guide me with your strength
Help me see
Help me believe
I want to see
The plan that you have for me
What do I have to do to break free
I hope you are listening to me
So that one day I can use this pain as my testimony

 

You Thought Wrong

You see the funny thing is
You thought I was just a kid
So you kicked me when I was down
Acted like I didn’t exist
To you
I was just a memory
That’s why you look pass me
You thought you could beat me
But your words could never kill me
It only heals me
You see the power that you had over me is gone
It was there for a while
But I decided to move on
I decided to rise up
I decided to be strong
I felt it was important for my voice to be known
To show you how much I’ve grown
Your words are now empty vessels
That leaves no markā€¦ no pain on my body
That’s why I can’t accept your apology
Its means nothing to you than it does to me
Its actions prove to me that you are not worthy
So I’ll take my light elsewhere
A place that’s worth my time
So don’t worry about me
I’ll be okay
But between me and you
I got nothing else to say

I guess that’s you

I’m lost and confused
I’m very concerned about you
You don’t seem afraid about what they might do
I guess that you
Always looking out for number one
Always keeping your head up
Always staying strong
I want to be more like you
I want to see the world as you do
I guess from my words
You think I want to be you

Just Maybe

You know I’m surprised that you called
I thought you didn’t know me at all
But I’m glad we met
I’m glad we spoke
I’m glad you took a chance at me
Maybe it was meant to be
For me to be here
For you to see me
It’s giving me hope
Maybe I can see you tomorrow
Maybe I can live for today
Maybe…
Just maybe one day
I will be able to say
Everything is going to be okay
That would be a great day
I’m happy you called
Especially coming from the day I had yesterday
I’m glad that you are doing okay

The Last Note

I use to remember how to feel
Like really feel
Now I don’t remember what it’s like
I use to remember a lot of things

Like
How to smile
How to toughen up
How to fight back

Now I just sit here and wonder
Where did I go wrong
Why doesn’t life live for me
Why me

My breathing feels uneasy
Why is it so hard to see
Shall I tell you my story

You inform me it’s all in head
That I should relax and go to bed
But my bed isn’t the safest place

It’s where I lay my head and never wake up
Because if I wake up it means God didn’t do his job
I’m still here
It’s against the law
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want live anymore

So why is god fighting with me
He knows the score
If I die
He gets an angle and I won’t be here anymore

What if I take matters in my own hands
That’s what I’ll do
I’ll pretend to be happy whiles conducting a plan
No one will know
I hope everyone understands

I leave them a note.
Saying goodbye
They’ll understand
I had to go
That was the plan

Things will change for the better
Just you wait and see
They will all be better without
I’ll be better without me
Here is not where I want to be

I feel so empty
It was nice though
Living me.. my body…having a soul
Knowing that I’m going away
I can dream happily
This is the end of me

This is the reflection of me
My life
My history
Dying happily
But yet so peacefully

The Tell-All

Today is just one of those days I guess
I wake up
Brush my teeth
Then took my shower
I get dressed
Do my hair
All of this takes a least an hour
Then I look in the mirror
And practice smiling
Pretending that everything is okay
I have my breakfast
Then look at my messages
Watch the news to see what’s going on
Whilst looking outside hoping not for a thunderstorm
I put my shoes on
Then grab my bag
I open my front door
Still feeling a bit sad
I walk past my neighbour
And use my fake smile I practiced

I get to the train station
Listing to positive podcasts for motivation
I get on the train looking for a good spot to sit
I take a deep breath
Went to the station
As the train doors open I jump
I was ready to go to work
Today I wonder this is it
I make small talk with everyone
Holding my tears inside
I keep looking at the clock waiting
Waiting for it to hit 5pm

I breathe in
I sort myself out
Then get ready for home time
My workers want to go out for drinks
They invite me over
I think
One might be fine
Then I realise
I have to make small talk
That would be too kind
I don’t think they would want to hear my thoughts
Or even like the way I talk
So I decline

I pretend that I have to rush home for a delivery
That was the best excuse I could think of you see
I rush out and walk to the tube
I get on my 5.40pm train
And sit next to an old man
Opposite me, there’s a mother and a child
They playing together
When the child smiles
The mother smiles wider
Watching them I couldn’t be happier

I get off my stop and make my way home
It won’t be too long until I’m alone
I open my house door
I say hello but no response
I guess no one is in
I eat some food I found in the kitchen.
I take on my shoes
My feet start to hurt
Run up the stairs whiles taking off my shirt

I walk past the big mirror that I always look at in the mornings
I didn’t want to see me face
That’s how I was feeling.
I put my PJs on
And crawl into bed
I put myself to sleep
Hoping I wake up dead
I play some light music to keep me company
I turn off my phone
I don’t want no one to bother me
I close my eyes with a smile on my face
Hoping that tomorrow this will be my final resting place